The Year of the Shars part II – Sharsly Speaks out

2008 was a good year for me. I lost over 30 lbs. and tried hard to put myself a little higher on my list of priorities.  This year I hope to continue the effort.  I want to lose 30 more pounds and will continue to put my needs a little higher on my list of things to do.  One of the major things I am going to do this year is somethings I will NOT be doing.  I have a tendency to try to keep the peace and do things to make others feel good and not worry about what it does to me. I intervene to keep my mom from saying or doing things that may hurt her family. I try to keep the peace after a fight. I intervene when I should just stay out. 
In addition, I will not be trying to get my mom’s sons to remember her on Mother’s Day or her birthday.  I would usually call or email them to see if they wanted to take her out for dinner on all of the usual occassions.  I won’t be doing that this year.  If her children want to remember her with a dinner, card, visit or gift, they can do so without me stepping in.  I talked to my mom about this yesterday and for now she seems fine with my decision.  She even said "it is about time!"  I’m sure as we get closer to these days she will ask me "What are you all doing for my birthday?" Or "what are you doing for me on Mother’s Day?"  I will just keep reminding her that Hubby and I will be taking her to dinner or lunch or whatever, and if her other children want to join us they can let her know.  I’m not going to organize everything.
And lastly, I’m not going to try to shield my family from mom.  They need to see what I go through.  They need to know what it is like to care for an aging parent.  If she calls them and yells, so be it.  I handle it, so can they.   It is time for me to "wake up and smell the coffee" and let them deal with what I deal with.  It would be great if her sons actually took care of some of her needs, but that may be for 2010.  Baby steps.  Just baby steps.3
Happy 2009 to all. Wish me luck. And if you see me slipping back into the old me, try to slap me around a little.

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